Brad's "little" Twilight Review

Teen Girls everywhere (and Maui) giggle with excitement as Twilight hit’s the silver screen. A film adaptation of Stephenie Mormon Meyers first published book with the same Name. Personally I think this film could have been Robert Pattinson walking around with his shirt off while smiling at the audience spouting “Hi there I’m Edward Cullen” and it would have easily still made its 70 mil opening…If not more. While enduring the screaming wedding proposals to Edward Cullen and the wailing tears of teens everywhere when Edward settles for Bella instead of them lies an actually pretty Decent film.
Meet Bella, a girl who feels way to grown up to live with her mother and step father while they live out there own teen fantasies. She decides to move to Forks with her father to get away from it all. Kirsten Stewart batting her eyelashes as if she took method acting from a humming bird and chewing her lip as if she bit hard enough shed reach the tootsie pop center is the prefect Bella. We can all easily ignore her and put our selves in her place which I’m told is the point.
Bella in all her monotone outcast living just cant fit in, though fitting in to Forks appears easier then fixing an election. Until she meets Edward, from here on out she realizes she does have a purpose in life. To stand in for every teen girl in the audience while Robert Pattinson brilliantly portrays the sexiest vampire of them all. Especially sexy next to the train wreck looks of the rest of the Cullens, so that’s why they cast an ugly Alice!
Pattinson has an astounding chemistry with the viewer, truly a transcendent performance. He emotes with the best of them showing doubt, fear, restraint, and even Love (awww) though for some reason the word love is never said (pffft)
Stewart as Bella is channeling Natalie Portman’s performance from attack of the clones. I’m afraid of losing you she says with all the conviction and power of a sack of door knobs. Everyone needs door knobs right?
The remainder of the cast is there but it doesn’t have to be. The film seems more interested in showing you the best parts of the books and what you feel they would look like rather then showing you the best part of the books to remind you how you felt when reading them. In this sense the film is very much rushed which is strange at a 2 hour running time. It flew by faster then Vampires playing baseball. Nothing seemed developed. The scenery is beautiful (defiantly not filmed in forks) and Bella and Edward staring at each other is of course “touching” (she does her best work silent) but there is so much left unsaid its almost disappointing. I myself was upset that the deep romance Bella and Edward had for each other was summed up with a 2 minute starring contest.
Carlisle my favorite character is another strong example of this problem. What is his story? how did he come to be? Take it away Edward “Carlisle made me what I am..” Thanks for that back story Edward, anyone else get one? No that would take away to much staring time and pointless James and crew killings.
James actually gives an amazing 2 second performance, watch for it. I am being extremely serious (played by Cam…something, its an odd name. he’s from Tacoma).
The film is flawed as is expected from such a low budget. It seems the top priority was to get teen girls to scream at the screen, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. But I couldn’t’ help but feeling disappointed at this decision because it seems this Robert Pattinson is a brilliant actor stuck in a film that doesn’t ask him for brilliance. Just shirtless-ness. Cam as James is stuck as a Saturday morning cartoon villain but let’s us know (and possibly other directors) that he can be brilliant as well even if it is for 2 seconds. I know its hard to ask a lot of an origin story but when they hack up your favorite scene from the book you can’t help but feel disappointed especially when the actors are perfectly capable of doing that favorite part Justice.
I’d give the film a meh but under the circumstances of how I came to see it (Husband and Wife date, Wife really wanting to see it) it was great. I only wish all the films my wife wants me to see with her are as great as this.